state of the union-by chuck muth

[jelly belly girl]

hmmmm... interesting, shall we say?
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State of the Union
By Chuck Muth

OK, I just got in after watching the President's State-of-the-Union speech
at a private screening at the White House (pretty cool!) with a couple dozen
other conservative leaders - including Paul Weyrich, Jim Martin, Victor
Schwartz and Kay Daly - so I haven't had the benefit of hearing what the
insta-pundits are saying about the address. But here are a few of my
personal observations:

1.) The lingering stench of Bill Clinton is finally beginning to fade as
America is once again reminded by this president exactly what an American
president is supposed to be. If I had to sum up President Bush's SOTU in
one word it would be this: "sincerity." He was dripping with it. He said
everything he meant, and you went away KNOWING that he meant everything he
said. Either that, or he's a better actor than my two-year-old...and I
doubt that VERY much. What a sea change from his predecessor - who recited
his lines very well but was obviously just mouthing what his pollsters, Dick
Morris, James Carville and Paul Begala told him to say. What a difference
and election makes.

2.) While there were a lot of great lines in the speech for conservatives -
and all Americans, for that matter - to cheer about, I think my favorite
was, "No one has ever been healed by a frivolous lawsuit." And that look on
the face of ambulance-chaser Sen. John Edwards as the president delivered
this line was worth its weight in gold. Nice camera-work Fox News!

3.) The sand in the hour-glass for Saddam Hussein's reign of terror is
almost gone. This guy has just about enough time to pack his bags and
vamoose before a Made-In-the-USA rocket blows his keister from here to
kingdom come. The day of Iraqi liberation is at hand. Maybe the guy can
move in with Sen. Patty Murray.

4.) And lastly, the President's personal message to the troops put a lump
in my throat: "Many of you are assembling in and near the Middle East, and
some crucial hours may lie ahead. In those hours, the success of our cause
will depend on you. Your training has prepared you. Your honor will guide
you. You believe in America, and America believes in you." Amen.

But on the drive home, a crazy thought hit me.

Many of those same men and women about to go into battle in defense of this
nation, its people and our liberties...can't even drink a friggin' cold
Budweiser legally. If these men and women are responsible enough that the
fate of the entire free world hangs in their hands, shouldn't we trust them
to enjoy Miller Time once the shooting's over without having to worry about
being busted by the local cops for underage drinking? Isn't that the least
a grateful nation can do?

I know. Crazy, right?

- Chuck Muth

[Bret Walker]

OK let's go over this bit of dreck:

1.) The lingering stench of Bill Clinton is finally beginning to fade as
America is once again reminded by this president exactly what an American
president is supposed to be.

Yeah, because all Bill Clinton ever did as President was to give us a budget surplus, a healthy economy, and a respectable foreign policy that our allies agreed with. I'm SOOoooo glad that Bush is returning to the days when the position of American President stood for something other than all that.

2.) While there were a lot of great lines in the speech for conservatives -
and all Americans, for that matter - to cheer about, I think my favorite
was, "No one has ever been healed by a frivolous lawsuit."

That may be true, but people in the medical profession need to be held accountable for their actions and their mistakes when they make them. When a doctor makes a mistake in the delivery room that affects the life of a child forever, how can you put a cap on damages of $250,000? And how can you call a lawsuit frivolous when it's anything but frivolous to the people who have been harmed by the doctor?

3.) The sand in the hour-glass for Saddam Hussein's reign of terror is
almost gone. This guy has just about enough time to pack his bags and
vamoose before a Made-In-the-USA rocket blows his keister from here to
kingdom come.

That's an awful nice sentiment, but um... hey, remember this guy in Afghanistan named Osama Bin Laden? What ever became of that guy? HE'S STILL FUCKING ALIVE is what. Why don't we take care of these "tourists" (as Bush likes to refer to "terrorists") one at a time. You know, focus on the job at hand instead of going all ADD and forgetting about the original reason we went to war in the first fucking place.

4.) And lastly, the President's personal message to the troops put a lump
in my throat: "Many of you are assembling in and near the Middle East, and
some crucial hours may lie ahead. In those hours, the success of our cause
will depend on you. Your training has prepared you. Your honor will guide
you. You believe in America, and America believes in you."

That's also very nice. But it doesn't do anything with the fact that nearly the entire free world is against our actions in Iraq, and that what Bush is making our uniformed soldiers do is setting back our foreign relations to a point where they were at the height of the cold war.

As far as our soldiers not being able to take a drink to celebrate, guess what? We didn't drink in Saudi Arabia in 1991 either, and none of us were any of the worse for it. Some people, like Chuck Muth, may need to drink alcohol to celebrate such a small thing as tying your shoes properly or sharpening a pencil, but servicemen and women everywhere have a job to do and they do it because it has to be done. So keep your comments out of the liquor cabinet, Mr. Muth, and try to concentrate on the other issues that Bush brought up that you obviously didn't pay attention to.

For example, Bush's proposal for $450 million for a mentoring program for underpriveledged children, I thought was a very anti-Republican sentiment. Also, his $600 million proposal for assisting addicts and alcoholics in recovery, I found to be very altruistic (although not at all unexpected; after all, Bush is himself a recovering alcoholic, which is one thing I can respect the man for). He also made a point about reducing the budget by 4%, which is the amount that American family incomes is expected to rise this year. That makes sound sense. However, I think his proposal to advance the production of Hydrogen-based cars was a bit of a lead in to his war speech. What better way to underscore the need to go to war with Iraq - the second largest producer of oil in the world - than to propose to reduce our dependence on foreign oil, something the Dems have been trying to do since the OPEC oil embargo in 1972.

Anyway, the address gave me pause for a lot of things, and I'll be digesting this info for the next week or so. There'll probably be a song or two in it.